Cheating

Cheating is a terrible thing. Obviously, you shouldn't do it.

But, what if your S/O does cheat on you? What do you do?

Personally, I have never been cheated on. I've never cheated on anyone either, despite claims from an acquaintance that I had.

But, there are things that people forgive and there are things that go to far and are unforgivable. These things vary from person to person, so what one person might forgive, another will freak out and break up with the cheating S/O.

Things that people consider cheating are: (Note: These are all dependent on each person. What one person thinks is alright isn't for another.)

Kissing/making out- Kissing isn't really too big of a deal and can be forgiven, given the right circumstance. Making out... well, that goes a bit too far and is less easily forgiven.

Touchy feely things- Again, not really something that is too forgivable. It's one of those things that you are conscience of and mean to do.

Making love- That just crosses the line because it's, again, something that you're conscience of and mean to do.

relevant link

Friendzone

Honestly, I was going to write a companion post to the whole "Good Guy" thing, but I came across this link a few weeks ago and, while it's not something I 100% agree with, it has some rather good points.

First, I figure that I'd mention that there's an article about it on Wikipedia which explains what it is:

In popular culture, the "friend zone" refers to a platonic relationship where one person wishes to enter into a romantic relationship while the other does not. It is generally considered to be an undesirable situation by the lovelorn person. Once the friend zone is established, it is said to be difficult to move beyond that point in a relationship.

Secondly, the post about friendzoning, itself, is rather lengthy, though it's an interesting read. It's right over here, if you're interested Though it's got a lot of curse words, so avoid reading this around kids.

Anniversaries

Since Ethan and I had our anniversary last Thursday, I figured I'd cover this. Anniversaries are an important part of dating. I mean, it's when you started dating, though I think that's pretty obvious. It's good to do cute things for your anniversary like go out to a nice restaurant or just have a date together no matter what or spend some time together at home. Even if you're in a long distance relationship, you could go on a Skype/Tinychat/Veemoo/etc. date and be together like that. Be happy together and try and spend as much time as possible with each other. If, for some reason you can't be together that day (work, school, etc.), then ask them ahead of time to see if you can reschedule your date/together time. If one of you or both of you, by chance, forgets your anniversary, it might hurt your significant other and that's not something that you want to happen. Especially in a long distance relationship. Because you can't readily see them, spending more time with them via Skype/Tinychat/etc is even more special and crucial because you don't get to spend as much time together as you'd like, especially in person. So, spend as much time as you can with your S/O because it's good quality time with someone that you love.

In regard to my last post and the comments

The one about the whole "Good Guy" syndrome

But I don't completely believe that there is a black and white classification to people. But, there are the extremes that adhere to that whole "Good Guy" thing that only want one thing and get upset when they don't get it.

There are always going to be jerks out there, of any gender, who are in a friendship so they can go out with a person and take it much farther. They tend to get really mad that they couldn't "get with" someone that they had their eye one because of whatever reason (that person wasn't interested, that person doesn't want a relationship, that person is already in a relationship, etc)

But there are people out there that don't try for relationship and end up in one because they are genuinely are being a cool person. That's pretty much how I ended up with Ethan.

Now, I know a bunch of people who went out with their friends and realized that they really just wanted to be friends and ended the relationship. And, y'know, that's totally fine. Trying things out and realizing that they do or don't work is part of life.

My thing is the "good guys" that complain about not getting the person they've been eying up and getting upset about them being "friendzoned" and coming up with elaborate ways to bring down that person and say everyone of x gender is a no good [insult of your choice] and that's why no one like x gender.

Things like "All men are scum" and "All women are sleazy" and the like bother me because it's blanket terms over one gender because someone's all bent out of shape because they were rejected.

I figure, you get rejected, you cut your losses and move on to someone who would be more suited to you and your tastes. Don't let rejection get you too down because it's not good for you. Just move on and don't get hung up on what could have been and go find out what can be.

Artist: Frank Sinatra
Song: Somewhere Beyond the Sea

Somewhere beyond the sea
Somewhere waitin' for me
My lover stands on golden sand
And watches the ships that go sailin'

Somewhere beyond the sea
She's there watchin' for me
If I could fly like birds on high
Then straight to her arms I'd go sailin'

I reworded this for class because the original is riddled with curses and whatnot (the original picture will be up on the Tumblr companion and the twitter feed).

I have a lot of issues with the whole "Good Guy" situation. There are a lot of people (I've seen it mainly with guys, but it can be applied to anyone, no matter what gender) nag and complain about how they get over looked and how they're a good guy and that all the girls/boys/etc should show some sort of interest in them.

They complain that, despite all their hard work and effort and trying to be a good friend, that girls/guys/etc. don't see anything in them and get mad and bent out of shape because they got rejected. They are only nice to the people they like and try to seem like they're not interested and start out as friends with their only intent being that they want a date from that person or would like to have relations with that person, pretty much only using their friendship to get to that point.

Now, I usually call this the "Good Guy Syndrome." I don't like people like this. I typically avoid them because they're not good people to start off with. It's hard to describe how people like this act, but it's like instinct.

These are the kinds of people who get really mad about being "Friend zoned," something of which I'll get into in a later post.

There's also the "Nice Guy," who will be your friend and expect nothing out of you. Sure, there's that chance that they may like you, but they're not going to pursue a relationship you because they actually value your friendship over the chance to be in a relationship with you.

Now, the jury's out as to which of these terms is correct, but this is how I tend to see it, so... I think that I'm missing a few points, but this is generally how I feel about this issue :/

Since this is actually quite pertinent to this blog

And since I plan on covering a few of these topics, here are some help lines, some general and some not related to relationships, that can help you with professional help. If all else fails, please contact one of these numbers. If you don't have someone to lean on or someone that will listen to you, even if it's a stranger, call these people up with whatever concerns you have about the designated topics.

Depression

Suicide Hotline: 1-800-SUICIDE (2433) – Can use in US, U.K., Canada and Singapore
Suicide Crisis Line: 1-800-999-9999
National Suicide Prevention Helpline: 1-800-273-TALK (8245)
National Adolescent Suicide Helpline: 1-800-621-4000
Postpartum Depression: 1-800-PPD-MOMS
NDMDA Depression Hotline – Support Group: 1-800-826-3632
Veterans: 1-877-VET2VET
Crisis Help Line – For Any Kind of Crisis: 1-800-233-4357
Suicide & Depression Crisis Line – Covenant House: 1-800-999-9999

Domestic Abuse

National Child Abuse Helpline: 1-800-422-4453
National Domestic Violence Crisis Line: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
National Domestic Violence Hotline (TDD): 1-800-787-32324
Center for the Prevention of School Violence: 1-800-299-6504
Child Abuse Helpline: 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453)
Domestic Violence Helpline: 1-800-548-2722
Healing Woman Foundation (Abuse): 1-800-477-4111
Child Abuse Hotline Support & Information: 1-800-792-5200
Women’s Aid National Domestic Violence Helpline: (UK Only) 0345 023 468
Sexual Abuse Centre: (UK Only) 0117 935 1707
Sexual Assault Support (24/7, English & Spanish): 1-800-223-5001
Domestic & Teen Dating Violence (English & Spanish: 1-800-992-2600

Alcohol & Drug Abuse

National Association for Children of Alcoholics: 1-888-55-4COAS (1-888-554-2627)
National Drug Abuse: 1-800-662-HELP (4357)
Al-Anon/Alateen Hope & Help for young people who are the relatives & friends of a problem drinker): 1-800-344-2666
Alcohol/Drug Abuse Hotline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357)
Be Sober Hotline: 1-800-BE-SOBER (1-800-237-6237)
Cocaine Help Line: 1-800-COCAINE (1-800-262-2463)
24 Hour Cocaine Support Line: 1-800-992-9239
Ecstasy Addiction: 1-800-468-6933
Marijuana Anonymous: 1-800-766-6779

Youth & Teen Hotlines

National Youth Crisis Support: 1-800-448-4663
Youth America Hotline: 1-877-YOUTHLINE (1-877-968-8454)
Covenant House Nine-Line (Teens): 1-800-999-9999
Boys Town National: 1-800-448-3000
Teen Helpline: 1-800-400-0900
TeenLine: 1-800-522-8336
Youth Crisis Support: 1-800-448-4663 or 1-800-422-0009
Runaway Support (All Calls are Confidential): 800-231-6946
Child Helpline: (UK Only) 0800 1111

Pregnancy Hotlines

AAA Crisis Pregnancy Center: 1-800-560-0717
Pregnancy Support: 1-800-4-OPTIONS (1-800-467-8466)
Pregnancy National Helpline: 1-800-356-5761
Young Pregnant Support: 1-800 550-4900

Gay and Lesbian Hotlines

The Trevor Helpline (For homosexuality questions or problems): 1-800-850-8078
Gay & Lesbian National Support: 1-888-THE-GLNH (1-888-843-4564)
Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender (GLBT) Youth Support Line: 1-800-850-8078
Lesbian & Gay Switchboard: (UK Only) 0121 622 6589
Lothian Gay & Lesbian Switchboard – Scotland: (Scotland Only) 0131 556 4049

Other Hotlines

Self-Injury Support: 1-800-DONT CUT (1-800-366-8288) (www.selfinjury.com)
Eating Disorders Awareness and Prevention: 1-800-931-2237 (Hours: 8am-noon daily, PST)
Eating Disorders Center: 1-888-236-1188
Help Finding a Therapist: 1-800-THERAPIST (1-800-843-7274)
Panic Disorder Information and Support: 1-800-64-PANIC (1-800-647-2642)
TalkZone (Peer Counselors): 1-800-475-TALK (1-800-475-2855)
Parental Stress Hotline: 1-800-632-8188
National AIDS Helpline: (UK Only) 0800 567 123

Artist: Goo Goo Dolls
Song: Iris

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
And sooner or later it's over
I just don't wanna miss you tonight

This kinda strikes me as a long distance song, but I love it, it's the ringtone that I use for Ethan :3

(Image was edited for content so it'd be safe to put on here)

I’m sorry, what if the relationship is abusive or one person is leeching off the other? It’s possibly for them to both be happy, but that doesn’t mean the relationship is healthy.

Piggybacking off of what a friend said.

It’s perfectly fine if s/os are happy with each other and are comfortable and what not. So long as it’s a completely healthy relationship.

It’s not alright if they’re both happy and someone’s being used, cheated on, lied to, abused, or anything else.

Being in a healthy relationship takes precedence over being in a happy-yet-abusive one. Sadly, there are people that still continue to seek out harmful relationships due to certain circumstances which is terrible.

I'll get into abusive relationships sometime soon, but I figured that I'd at least cover this a bit now and get into details later.

Some asks that I got on Tumblr

Not on the Tumblr counterpart of this blog, but another general advice blog that my boyfriend and I run. Asks/advice will be italicized, my answers will be in normal font, and my boyfriend's answers will be in bold. (mind you, this is all from the same person, so there's no confusion)

Dealing with jealous exes isn't fun, but we tried our best to give this person advice.

My fiance's ex was paranoid about me & my fiance getting into a relationship pretty much their entire relationship. My fiance's ex chose to end the relationship not once but twice & after a mutually agreed upon amount of time, they said they would date other people, at which point me & my now fiance started dating because we both happened to be single & discovered that we loved each other. Now the ex is freaking out & making things difficult for us & mutual friends

I feel like I need to try to smooth things over, at least a bit, since we run in the same circle, but there are all of these built up negative feelings and insecurities towards me because she feared this for the last three years and now it’s happened, and I know it’s easier to hate me than my fiance. Should I try to talk to her and, if so, what should I say? I know we did nothing wrong but her ex clearly feels like we did, just by starting to date one another and now getting engaged.

Hrm…

I feel like there are a few options, here.

First being that you and your fiance’s ex (you can have your fiance there, too, if you’d like or if they insist or if it’ll help) sit and have a civil talk about what they’re upset/angry/whatever about and see if there’s any way to resolve their feelings.

Second is to let them know that you don’t appreciate the fact that they’re just being a bit antagonistic and jealous and that they should calm down or that you’ll just break ties with them. Though, try not to come off too confrontational because you don’t really want a fight, or at least a big fight if you can help things.

Third is to just ignore them and cut ties. This is probably a bit more drastic, but this would be a last ditch effort. If they’re not going to be cooperative, it’s best to just cut ties and go about your business.

Sorry if this isn’t everything, but this is just what I could think of for the time being. I could prob’ly think of a few more things, but it generally goes back to these. And I’m sorry for the wording :x

- Chase

Fiance/ex drama back again. Option 1 might work. The ex is very passive-aggressive & tends to back down when having to discuss things directly, even if it's said in a non-confrontational manner. I wouldn't want my fiance there though because I already feel like she's stuck in the middle & that isn't really fair to her & one of the issues already. Option 3 is hard just because it is so drastic & would turn me into the bad guy, which I think is actually what the ex wants.

I know that feeling, anon. So my advice would be to get friends in on this. Have them do an intervention without you there, something along the lines of “This is not acceptable behavior, you need to stop”. That should smooth things out.

Fiance/ex drama. That's kind of the problem is that everyone is becoming resentful over being put in the middle & I feel like if I directly ask to stage an intervention, they're going to become even more resentful. Everyone has indicated that me & the ex need to sort this out ourselves (& I agree) but she refuses to talk to me because I think it's too frightening for her to own up to all of those negative feelings & fears involving me & my fiance, because she was always afraid of that happening.

Well, if you need to sort it out, do it when friends are near. Say, in another or something. That way neither of you can storm off and claim the other did something that they didn’t.