Not on the Tumblr counterpart of this blog, but another general advice blog that my boyfriend and I run. Asks/advice will be italicized, my answers will be in normal font, and my boyfriend's answers will be in bold. (mind you, this is all from the same person, so there's no confusion)
Dealing with jealous exes isn't fun, but we tried our best to give this person advice.
My fiance's ex was paranoid about me & my fiance getting into a relationship pretty much their entire relationship. My fiance's ex chose to end the relationship not once but twice & after a mutually agreed upon amount of time, they said they would date other people, at which point me & my now fiance started dating because we both happened to be single & discovered that we loved each other. Now the ex is freaking out & making things difficult for us & mutual friends
I feel like I need to try to smooth things over, at least a bit, since we run in the same circle, but there are all of these built up negative feelings and insecurities towards me because she feared this for the last three years and now it’s happened, and I know it’s easier to hate me than my fiance. Should I try to talk to her and, if so, what should I say? I know we did nothing wrong but her ex clearly feels like we did, just by starting to date one another and now getting engaged.
Hrm…
I feel like there are a few options, here.
First being that you and your fiance’s ex (you can have your fiance there, too, if you’d like or if they insist or if it’ll help) sit and have a civil talk about what they’re upset/angry/whatever about and see if there’s any way to resolve their feelings.
Second is to let them know that you don’t appreciate the fact that they’re just being a bit antagonistic and jealous and that they should calm down or that you’ll just break ties with them. Though, try not to come off too confrontational because you don’t really want a fight, or at least a big fight if you can help things.
Third is to just ignore them and cut ties. This is probably a bit more drastic, but this would be a last ditch effort. If they’re not going to be cooperative, it’s best to just cut ties and go about your business.
Sorry if this isn’t everything, but this is just what I could think of for the time being. I could prob’ly think of a few more things, but it generally goes back to these. And I’m sorry for the wording :x
- Chase
Fiance/ex drama back again. Option 1 might work. The ex is very passive-aggressive & tends to back down when having to discuss things directly, even if it's said in a non-confrontational manner. I wouldn't want my fiance there though because I already feel like she's stuck in the middle & that isn't really fair to her & one of the issues already. Option 3 is hard just because it is so drastic & would turn me into the bad guy, which I think is actually what the ex wants.
I know that feeling, anon. So my advice would be to get friends in on this. Have them do an intervention without you there, something along the lines of “This is not acceptable behavior, you need to stop”. That should smooth things out.
Fiance/ex drama. That's kind of the problem is that everyone is becoming resentful over being put in the middle & I feel like if I directly ask to stage an intervention, they're going to become even more resentful. Everyone has indicated that me & the ex need to sort this out ourselves (& I agree) but she refuses to talk to me because I think it's too frightening for her to own up to all of those negative feelings & fears involving me & my fiance, because she was always afraid of that happening.
Well, if you need to sort it out, do it when friends are near. Say, in another or something. That way neither of you can storm off and claim the other did something that they didn’t.
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